The "Let Them Theory" itself is simple but powerful. It’s about focusing on what you can control and letting go of everything else, especially gossip, criticism, and other people’s opinions. It’s a mindset shift that can reduce stress and create more peace.
Personally, I first came across her when Oprah Winfrey appeared on her podcast. I’ve been listening every week ever since. What stands out to me is how real she is. She doesn’t come across as fake or overly polished. Even now, as she’s attending major events and walking red carpets for the first time, she still seems genuinely humble. She owns her flaws throughout the book and talks to you like a straightforward friend.
Controversy
First, I want to address the controversy around Mel Robbins. I believe she’s fully entitled to share her advice, insights, and perspective. She isn’t presenting herself as a therapist. She’s someone who has helped thousands of people, and there’s nothing harmful about encouraging growth and pushing people to get more out of life. If anything, that’s something we should all strive for. We only get one life.
There’s also been talk online about a TikTok creator who eats frozen meals off her chest and claims she wrote a poem called "Let Them," accusing Mel of plagiarism. But "let them" is a widely used phrase. It’s something many of us have heard long before ever knowing who Mel Robbins was. Even Mel has said that her daughter, who co-wrote the book, heard the phrase somewhere else. She’s never claimed to have invented it. No one owns those words. It’s a simple idea that’s been around for generations.
The trademark situation added another layer to the conversation. Mel attempted to trademark "Let Them" for certain products, not copyright it. The United States Patent and Trademark Office initially rejected the application in late 2024, calling it a "commonplace term." Her team has since pushed back and filed extensions, which is why the topic keeps resurfacing.
More recently a man said he coined the phrase admin night and thus Mel stole his idea for admin day. Once again I've head Liz Moody talk about admin day for years! I feel people are quick to label her a grifter for concepts that have been around a long time.
Background
A bit of background on Mel makes her story even more interesting. She’s 57, married with three kids, and has a law degree. She started her career as a public defender with the Legal Aid Society in New York City. Later, she became a CNN legal analyst, including covering the George Zimmerman trial.
At one point, her family hit a major financial crisis when her husband’s restaurant failed, leaving them $800,000 in debt. She’s been open about how difficult that period was. It took them 10 years to recover, and during that time they took no vacations and she admitted to drinking too much while being sad.
Things started to shift in 2011 when she gave a TED Talk. She published her first book in 2017, launched her podcast in 2022, and released her second book, Let Them, in 2024. Since then, her career has taken off. By 2025, the book was named Audible’s Best Book of the Year, sold millions of copies, and stayed at the top of the New York Times bestseller list week after week. My mom read her book first last year and was so excited about it and told me I had to read it!
Book
Favorite Quotes From the Book
Reading through Let Them with sticky note tabs, here are a few key quotes really stood out and summarize why this mindset shift is so necessary:
On taking control back: "Learning how to push yourself to take action when you are afraid or full of self-doubt or overwhelmed with excuses is a life skill you can learn. Once you master it, you'll understand that you can achiev
e anything through small, consistent moves forward." On emotional freedom: "You acknowledge that others' actions and choices are not yours to control. In doing so, you reclaim your emotional freedom."
On dropping the stress: "The more I said Let Them, the more I realized that a lot of what I worried about wasn't worth my time, nor did it deserve my attention. And not everyone was worth my energy. It was liberating."
On daily annoyances: "It protected me from the habit of letting little things become big stressors in my day-to-day life, like the cashier at the grocery store being slow. The 10 extra minutes that this line was going to take wouldn't negatively impact the rest of my day, but allowing myself to get agitated and annoyed about something I couldn't control absolutely would."
On choosing your battles: "In fact, not every email warrants a response and not every conversation needs your participation and you do not always have to have the last word. Your silence can't be misquoted."
On friendships: "Before you walk away from a friendship, assume good intent on the other person’s part. Friendships are not a tit for tat. Do not keep score. 99% if the time you have no clue what someone else is dealing with."
Applying "Let Them" to Dating and Relationships
As a mom to three adults and someone who’s been married for 30 years, she gets both the chaos of modern dating and the effort it takes to stay together. She says that dating isn't just about hunting for "the one", it's about learning what you will and won't accept. Every experience, even the crappy ones, teaches you something.
Mel highlights a famous rule here: If someone likes you, you'll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.
If you are the only one reaching out, stop making excuses for them. Let them confuse you, and let yourself move on. Watch their actions, not their words. The moment you start wondering where you stand, have an upfront conversation. Don't focus on begging for their affection, focus on the value of your own time.
She shares a great script for this: tell them you've loved spending time together, but you know yourself, you value your time, and you are looking for a real commitment. If they don't share that vision, you're choosing to invest your energy elsewhere.
Once in a relationship, remember that everyone has baggage, and the grass is greener where you water it. But above all, a relationship does not make you worthy of love, your existence does. You are the one person you spend your entire life with. Never entrust your peace of mind and happiness to the moods or whims of someone else.
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